Someone shit on the floor
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
