what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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