if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are we still banned from the library?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
