Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
