the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
