...so i touched it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
