I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
