until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
