Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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