I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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