Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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