Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
