Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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