My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
