there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
