I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
