Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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