how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
sex in a hospital.. check
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We need to get me chipped asap
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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