They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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