Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize