Duck Duck Cougar?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
