you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
