i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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