New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
