I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Send help, water and tortillas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
