Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
