Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
These tits shall not be calmed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
