Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
