so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
