marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
