...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
