i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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