I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
