So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
