Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
