I can tuck mytits in my pants
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
