i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
