Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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