How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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