after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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