i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
