i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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