Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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