Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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