At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
