i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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