Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
