it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
