Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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