My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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