so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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