I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
