Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
